is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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