You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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