did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
