I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
