i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
