wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
