drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
