I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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