I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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