i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
