Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
