that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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