Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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