Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
