I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
