8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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