She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
3 2 1 whiskey
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
