just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
