Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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