Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
