it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
