Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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