I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
