You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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