A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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