I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
