She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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