Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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