Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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