That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I want her autograph on my taint
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
