Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
