He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
