U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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