Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
