it wasn't lemon gatorade
my sisters under your porch take her home
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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