Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
