hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
