it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
