I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
