Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He felt like a one man threesome
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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