I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
