sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
