Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
