A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
