dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
