I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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