; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
