I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
