his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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