If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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