Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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