Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
